I've known (experientially) his incredible faithfulness. I have left him, doubted him, and ignored him at times, but he has always remained faithful. When I say "faithful", I don't mean that he's always been there submissively waiting for me, wringing his hands in concern. No, he's been faithful in actively pursuing my best, my welfare, my healing and maturity. He's never left me to my own stupid choices and my rebellion. He has, and still does, pursue me and my transformation into a real human being, fully alive, through and through, in my deepest and most true self.
I've seen miracles and healing by his hand. Once, after my dad left home, my mom would give me lunch money but I would put it in my gas tank (I was a teenager at the time and gas is more important than food to a teenager). One day, I was hungry, so I turned to Matthew 7 and read aloud to the Lord what he said about asking, seeking, and knocking. "So, I'm asking you for a lunch," I said, "'cause I don't have any money and I can't ask mom." I closed the bible and went on my way. When lunch time came, I went to the cafeteria and sat down by myself with a Pepsi (that's all the change I had in my pocket - enough to buy a drink). I had not been there two minutes when a friend at the end of the table said, "My mother has gone nuts! She put two of everything in my lunchbox today! Do you want a sandwich and some chips?" Needless to say, I said "Yes" and then quietly said "Thanks" to my Father. And that's just one story. (Ask me about my wedding and honeymoon trip sometime).
I have also been healed of curvature of the spine (and I don't mean a slight curve; I mean something looking like an elongated "S"). I've been healed of numerous, common sicknesses and discomforts like headaches, back injuries, etc.. I have been spared countless injuries (falling asleep while driving and waking up in time to go around a sharp curve with ravines on either side and then falling back to sleep, only to repeat the process on the next curve, and the next, and the next, until I got home; I cut an extension cord in two with a box knife only to find out it was still plugged in; intense motorcycle wrecks with never a broken bone or more serious injury). Like I say, it's been pretty wild.
Moreover, I have been rescued and set free from being enslaved to tyrannical sins and habits. Cruel masters that once dominated my life, Jesus has overthrown and disarmed them of strength. Bullies that I could never intimidate, who always sought to mar and to destroy the beautiful portrait of himself that he was painting over my life, he has put in their place and keeps them enslaved by his power and strength. And the dull, ugly splatters they had made on the canvas, he has transformed into the most attractive contrasts of color that one could ever hope for. After thirty years, he's still quite the artist, though the picture is far from complete.
But above all those awesome experiences and graces, the one thing that excels them all is this: that I am the object and recipient of undeserved and unreserved divine love. The love of Jesus is what wooed me and it's what still "wows" me. He is relentless in his love for me and the intensity of his passion toward me, his obsession with me, is measureless. I am his magnificent obsession. And I am the most unlikely and unlovely candidate for it. Nonetheless, he delights in me and dances with joy over our relationship together. I do not even begin to understand it, but it is more real and true than all of creation. He seeks me, desires me, calls me, sings over me, and is insanely jealous for me. He has never - and will never - give me up to another (or for another). His love is the only wealth I've ever had or that I'll ever need; it's always more than enough. Nothing outshines or overshadows his love for me.
So, I'm celebrating my "birthday" every day, because the journey has been incredible thus far. And honestly, there's nowhere else to be; anywhere else is famine compared to this "love-feast".
I'll always be thankful to Jesus for choosing a scared, insecure 15-year-old boy with nothing to offer in return to be his most prized friend and beloved lover; and somehow, to be his favorite.
Jesus, thank you for thirty beautiful years; I look forward to many more that outshine these, from one degree of glory to the next. Deepest thanks.
No comments:
Post a Comment