Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Weight of Little Things

A month ago, as the leaves began to turn and fall, my two boys (6 yrs. and 4 yrs. old) and I were raking the front yard. Each one of us had our own rake and we were working together to create the biggest pile of leaves on the planet. As the pile began to grow in size, I saw an opportunity for a "life lesson". So, feeling a little like Jesus and Michael Landon rolled into one, I asked my sons, "Hey, guys! What can we learn from these leaves?"  
My oldest son answered, "We learn how to rake!" I smiled and said, "Good. But there's something else."  
My 4-year-old chimed in: "We learn to work together." Again, I smiled, pleased with their answers.
"That's good, but there's still something else. Do you know what it is?" They both shook their heads and said no.  
"See how these leaves are all small," I began. "Each one of them is very small, but when we rake them into a pile, they become a big thing." I smiled again as I watched their little minds light up. "Guys, little things that we do - like when we obey or when we don't obey; when we are kind to someone or when we are mean to someone - all those little things add up to become big things in our lives. That's why we want to always do good things to others and to obey Jesus." My heart warmed when I heard their excited responses and the look of "wow" on their faces.  
At that moment, I experienced two things: 1) one of those beautiful "teachable moments" that every parent looks for; and 2) the joy of seeing them "get it". The sad thing is this: God never intended the lesson for them only; it was also intended for me. And I didn't get it.  
A few days ago, as I prayed and asked the Lord to show me how I have hardened my heart, he didn't show me "big things" like adultery, murder, sexual immorality, unforgiveness and bitterness. He showed me all the "little things"; all the little choices where I have excused sin; all the times that I took his grace and forgiveness for granted; all the little fantasies, all the little "love scenes" in movies, all the little disobediences, all the little sins. And now, as I lay buried beneath the rubble of my own personal "spiritual 9/11" waiting to be rescued, I realize the weight of the little things. 
I realize that my willful, small choices were like the bolts and nuts and the steel beams that joined together and grew into something far bigger and taller than I had ever foreseen. Steel to steel, concrete floors stacked story upon story, nuts and bolts, cables and wires - all came together, one by one, and began to rise into the sky as a monument to myself. Little by little, and without my own awareness, my own "twin towers" of Sin and Self-Righteousness stood tall and erect, appearing stronger and higher than any other thing. Until the enemy attacked...and the towers fell, creating a massive cloud of dust and ashes that blocked out the sun, burying my heart beneath the rubble and the weight of the little things.  
Now I get it.  
I thank God for the mercy He has shown to me. The rescue has begun, and the lesson of the little things is being learned in the clean-up. The same way that my heart became hardened is the same way that it will be made soft and alive again...in the little things.